The inner critic is that ‘voice’ at the back of our mind.
By Adam Gross
The inner critic is that ‘voice’ at the back of our mind.
You’re not good enough,
See I told you this would happen.
Why bother? You won’t be able to anyways…
It’s that internal negative chatter that often shows up when something doesn’t quite work out, or when overly stressed and or anxious.
Perhaps, it’s signalling to us lies we have been told and since internalised as truths about ourselves, about our capabilities and about our true potential.
Whatever its cause, it can get the better of us if we don’t understand it’s tricky nature.
Its nature is a trickster: to draw us into its nonsensical chatter, its drama.
It looks so real in the moment though, so important and so vivid. Understandably we all sometimes panic in such a situation.
In our well-meaning efforts to overcome it we can innocently get in our own way, blocking the healing results we so badly want.
I’m all too familiar with this part of myself and have definitely struggled with it for some time.
A big insight for me was seeing that the inner critic only has as much power as we give it to it.
Said differently, what we feed grows stronger. As we have the choice to concentrate and focus on one thing so to we have the choice and ability to focus on another.
If we are innocently going round in circles thinking about the inner critic over and over, then
- The more we stay thinking about our inner critic the longer it tends to stick around.
- We will stay caught up in our head – away from what matters, our life and this moment.
That is just passive thinking, resisting. Innocently circling around in a way of thinking that creates more mental angst.
The more we try and resist something in our mind the more power we provide it with.
It’s not our fault, it’s just how the mind works.
At the end of the day, we cannot always choose how life unfolds, but we can always have a better and brighter mental attitude towards the situation at hand.
Please don’t hear this as passive distraction, I haven’t found this tact to be particularly helpful myself.
My point is that, we all have the inner ability to choose whether to feed and fuel the inner critic or not.
Distraction can limit our options, and keep us from seeing the true nature of the inner critic as fundamentally neutral. It also means we are innocently trapping ourselves from the many joys that are to be found only in the present moment. Instead we feel we must distract ourselves.
If we are distracting ourselves whenever something doesn’t go according to plan due to this, are we truly embracing this life and the inevitable challenges that come with it?
Moreover the inner critic is not some enemy to be avoided and overcome.
Mindfulness has helped me a lot to see that what we deem as negative can be a source of teaching.
We learn most from that which is difficult, about our strengths, our potential and about the true resilience inside us all.
As anyone who has meditated will tell you the mind will throw many curveballs when attempting to focus on the anchor of the meditation , (commonly the breath).
This does not exclude the inner critic showing up!
Instead of trying to banish it from the mind.
We welcome it and relate to it as a temporary guest.
I can if I choose to, let the chattering pass by unimpeded without resistance, and refocus back to the breath once more, with kindness.
Resistance just exacabbates matters. It provides the inner critic with its fuel.
Meditation is not about quieting the mind or doing anything to get anywhere special.
Rather as I see it it’s got more to do with
Embracing the present – however this moment is.
And less to do with trying to achieve some special state.
Meditation isn’t about feeling good it’s more about being good at feeling.
See that the inner critic on its own without our interruption our innocent but nevertheless unnecessary interpretation is fundamentally neutral. On its own powerless unable to implant a feeling within us.
The moment we see that something is painful we have the inner ability to stop doing the triggering action.
The body instantly recoils from touching the hot stove for example.
In the same way the moment we realise we are driving too fast we can step off the accelerator.
The same is true of the mind. We do not have to do anything, to see or reach this perspective.
All that’s needed is to really see that without our getting in our own way, we are already free.
That but for our innocent negative thinking, the critic would show up do its thing and leave, naturally just like any other thought.
Our thinking tells us that it will stay forever, that its so terrible blah blah blah.
But like the hot stove the moment we catch sight of the fact
That we don’t have to fuel or ruminate in such thinking,
The moment our psychological system makes way for new helpful and fresh thinking to emerge. Nothing specific we must do.
This is why negative feelings aren’t something to be upset about. Rather they are welcome allies!
Why?
They alert us to how we are using our thinking in this moment.
Just like you would thank a friend who pulled you back from crossing the road at the wrong time, so to our feelings are truly a welcome friend.
Why?
The second we notice our feelings have gone south is the moment we
Decide to take a breather, be grateful for our friendly ally, and to see that we don’t have to continue the path we were on.
Instead, we may relax, and allow as best we can our mind to settle into stillness.
In stillness, we will no doubt know what to do. There is always the thinking we do, and the thinking that comes to you.
When at peace within we notice more and have a greater appreciation for the wisdom the commonsense always present that we have been obscuring because we were so busy minded. Innocently.
Our resilience emerges and we see where our true power lies.
I want to leave you with one last thought:
The inner critic gets a loud reception. If a newspaper it would be the newspaper headline.
But what if we cared for our inner potential as much as respect as we gave our inner critic?
What if we celebrated our personal victories as much as we ruminate about our bad days.
What if we could appreciate that ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, and give ourselves some self-compassion and self-care.
Far from being a selfish act, it’s an act of radical compassion, before we can help others we must help ourselves.
Remember to fill your cup because you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Our inner potential,
Let’s put that on the pedestal.
Let’s embrace our struggles and our wins and come to see that this too shall pass.
And even in the middle of immense difficulty, in the torrent of winds of unthinkable magnitude lies an untouchable unbreakable calm within the storm.
That what at times appears to be the cause of our distress isn’t substantial,
It’s just empty noise devoid of meaning full of rubbish.
Yes, we will be tricked again and believe the rubbish to be substantial and meaningful.
Such is life, we cannot control how life unfolds, we can, however,
- Always focus on what we want to focus on.
- Take the actions that we want to do to resolve the situation, even if it’s just a little step forward.
Equally, we can be grateful for our highs and graceful for our lows, remembering that in a low period it’s perhaps not the best time to make any big decisions or take decisive action.
The inner critic has a lot to teach us.
Can we listen beyond the words to hear its message?
Thanks for reading!
